Setting Boundaries – Myth or Reality?
Let’s shine a light on that mythical phrase: “You need to set boundaries.”
Listen to this article:
Theory
Almost every coach will tell you that whether you’re starting a new job or stepping into a new role, it’s important to “set boundaries.” But, as they say across the pond: it’s easier said than done.
People are, by nature, creatures who want to help – both themselves and others – and long to collaborate. But we all have just one capacity. And its best friend is the ability to prioritize.
That’s why setting boundaries is much more difficult than it seems. In practice, it usually leads you down one of three paths:
You say yes to everything – and responsibilities start piling up. One day you wake up and realize that nobody is ever going to take them off your plate.
You start saying “that’s not my job” too often – and you’re quickly labeled as uncooperative.
You offer help with a caveat that you don’t want it to set a precedent – but even that takes skill to communicate well.
Setting boundaries has many practical forms, and it’s crucial to at least roughly think through how you’ll define them. Ideally, you don’t want to be seen as unwilling – but you’re also aware that every additional task you accept adds potential complications.
“He’s capable, he’ll manage, he’ll just reprioritize.”
As it often happens, work sticks to the capable and willing. They’re kind, they don’t say no, and they usually deliver quality – so why not give them more? I’ve seen this trend in every company and almost every team.
The capable and willing are often overloaded, while with the “tough ones” we’re careful not to give them more – they might respond badly.
Sure, I’m exaggerating a bit. But there’s some truth to it. That’s why people often say you need to look extremely busy – run through hallways with a phone to your ear and a frown – just so no one assigns you another task.
This, of course, refers to a brilliant stand-up by Lukáš Pavlásek. I’ll include the link below. Unfortunately it is only in Czech.
Na stojáka - Lukáš Pavlásek - O zaměstnání
Alright, let’s get serious again.
You probably already see where this is going – yes, back to individual managers. There are two key ways management can handle this problem:
1. Keep work flow under control
A manager should know how much work their people are currently handling. Ideally through a task management tool like Asana (yes, I know I might be annoying with it – but a solid task tracker is a must). Other options include well-run ceremonies like standups, 1:1s, or retrospectives.
2. Set clear expectations and communicate them
A manager needs to set clear expectations – both towards their people and in return. It must be normalized that not everything at work is clearly mapped out, and that a team must function as a team.
It’s not okay for it to become the norm that “Jana does everything” because “everyone else has enough work.” Team collaboration means people help each other – not that everyone guards their own turf.
PS: I strongly recommend setting expectations through a solid development plan for every team member.
And lastly, the simplest – yet often most overlooked:
3. Awareness
It may sound trivial, but just being aware that this problem exists is worth gold. Sometimes it’s enough for a manager to realize that most ad hoc requests land with Jana – and they begin actively managing the situation.
Life in the Trench
If you recognize yourself in this – whether you’re overwhelmed or know someone around you who is – it’s important to understand that this is not an unsolvable problem.
If it affects you, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Go to your manager and try opening the conversation with something like this:
“Hey, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a while. It’s not easy to put into words, but I feel like when ad hoc work comes up, I’m usually the one who ends up doing it – and it’s kind of become expected. It’s because I’m willing and want the work to be done well. But that’s exactly why I need your help. It’s becoming too much, and it’s starting to impact both my capacity and, honestly, my satisfaction.”
This version works well for people with a strong sense of responsibility who tend to overload themselves “for the result.” It’s non-confrontational, but clearly communicates the need for support. Most managers, when approached early and sincerely, are able to help.“Hey, there’s a topic I’d like to bring up. In recent weeks, we’ve had 11 new tasks come in – and in 9 of those cases, I was the one who completed them. There are six of us on the team, and I just wanted to say this bothers me. I’d really appreciate it if we could look at it together and set it up differently moving forward.”
This version is better for those who rely on data. It’s specific and shows that this isn’t a one-off issue, but a pattern. It helps the manager understand the problem rationally – without unnecessary emotion.
Let’s flip the page. To stay true to the title “Life in the Trench,” I’ll finish the metaphor – because in the trench, it’s not just soldiers. Their officers are there too.
Managers are human too. They certainly don’t have crystal balls that show them everything happening in the team. They work with people, data – and above all, information.
It’s unrealistic to expect that any manager can fulfill every team member’s expectations for capacity. That’s just not how it works – and never will.
What they can influence is how they assign and delegate work. And to do that, they need realistic feedback and data.
Managers often hear the same message from most people: “I have too much work, I’m falling behind.”
But the real challenge lies in a manager’s ability to realistically evaluate their people’s capacity.
Conclusion
To wrap up today’s topic of setting boundaries: first and foremost, it’s a crucial thing that depends on communication between a manager and an individual.
Beyond that, it depends on the system the company uses to manage work – and its ability to look at data and confidently say where people are missing, where numbers don’t add up, and where data is lacking.
Where the company doesn’t know – where there’s, let’s say, darkness – it’s important to work with feedback and implement mechanisms to bring light.
If you’re looking for inspiration, I highly recommend watching Light & Magic on Disney+, specifically the first episode of the second season.
For those who don’t want to watch: George Lucas realized just in time that his company had grown too bloated and filled with too many voices – which created chaos. So he formed a small group – about 12 people – called the “Rebel Group,” which handled all the technical and personnel problems and took nothing lightly.
The modern equivalent of that “Rebel Group” today? Our leads meetings, director syncs, board meetings, and other forums where leaders align across the company.
And this brings me to my final recommendation:
If you know that your company isn’t managing people’s capacity in a structured and data-informed way, if tasks mostly float around through emails without clear insight into people’s workloads – start talking about it. And above all – don’t let it go.
Helping people define boundaries and manage capacity isn’t just an individual effort. It’s a systemic discipline.
What’s your take on this issue? What topics would you like to explore next time? Let me know.